10 ways to be irritated by your doctor

Hey, I'm a patient too. Here's my list. And by the way, my doctors, this isn't about you AT ALL.

1. Have stupid television playing in your lobby. I hate insipid health t.v. HATE. I don't want to watch Oprah, I don't want anything. Maybe I can listen to unobtrusive music, but nothing loud and nothing Brittny. I know the idea is that white noise or t.v. drown out the sound of actual patient care and decrease the odds of overhearing a dreaded convo involving protected health information, but really. Get a white noise machine and leave me some peace.

2. Have stupid stuff to read. Actually, given recent demonstrations of nasty disease-mongering germ covered magazines, don't have anything to read.

3. Ignore that I'm waiting. Listen, I know from personal experience that the 80 year old patient who scheduled for an upset stomach suddenly turns into a heart attack live and in-person, and suddenly you're six patients an hour behind, and suddenly it's two hours later and you're twelve behind. It sucks. When I check in, please have your staff tell me that you're really running late. Better yet, have them text me or call me to give me the option to reschedule. Leaving me to molder for 2 hours in your waiting room without so much as a "Could I get you a coke?" is rude.

4. Uncomfortable chairs are inexcusable.

5. Sure, I've walked out of a room and left the cap from a needle (not the needle). I've left the odd Bandaid wrapper on the floor. But dirty floors? Bugs? Not cool. Mice droppings?

6. Nasty staff. Your staff should not size me up like I am homeless and stinky, even if I am.

7. When I am back in a room at the OB/GYNs and I am sitting in a paper gown and paper sheet, please do have your staff tell me it's going to be an hour and a half of waiting in paper on an uncomfortable table. I will tell you that I would like to put on my clothes and reschedule.

8. When it's time for my pap smear, don't have your nurse come ahead of you, put me in stirrups so that you can walk in an go, "Spread 'em" and never look at anything but 'da business.

9. Seriously, I know margins are low, but get cloth. Gowns cost $0.25. Paper isn't that much cheaper.

10. GET ME A COOKIE!

11. Most of all, schedule appropriately. I understand if I come once or twice and you've had disasters, but if I come every time with my sick, cranky, twitchy children and I wait, please, please, stop overbooking.